Last week, and the ensuing weekend, became gradually more surreal as time went on.  Things have changed for the better, but its been a whirlwind of emotion, much ground has been covered and I have a lot to think about!

In a random conversation with a young lady who I have chatted with on-and-off for over a year now, we began talking about *bedroom stuff*.  I'm open about my kinky leanings and dubious sexual history and she was desperate to talk to someone who could give her honest answers as she sought to explore her kinky side.  One thing led to another and, with some frank talking and quick thinking from Evie, within 24 hours we were in her flat and in her bed ... this is something I had decided I would no longer do after making the decision to sort out my life and my body.

So why did it happen?  The particular girl in question has always struck me, right from the first time we bumped into each other on IRC, as someone who was desperately misunderstood; a well meaning and thoughtful soul trapped thanks to an upbringing which had isolated her from positive social influences and without close friends to help her blossom into her full potential.

It felt, however, as though I could look through the text and see the sweet girl behind it.  I found her appealing and intriguing, hence I agreed to her desires to meet and make love.

After a day in her company both Evie and I had evolved our opinion.  Evie was getting as close to maternal as she feels able and I was getting romantically attached ... being Poli-amorous is something I've dabbled in before without success but am a firm believer in it within a small group and Evie feels much the same; she isn't jealous by nature and I'm not jealous provided I have something to keep me busy.

All three of us ended up back at our house, and by the end of Sunday not only was I quite thoroughly exhausted but I was also smitten ... since she has returned home I have missed her, however I'm also conscious that Evie, my primary love, deserves more of my attention next time the three of us are together.  Which will no doubt be within the next month.  And I'm left wondering, would it work if she were to move in?  Would she simply realise her full potential and come to the conclusion that she can do better?  Could it harm my bond with Evie?  Would my priorities change?  If so, for better or worse?

I have much thinking to do ...

After two days of working hard on the house I was only too glad to hop in the car and get down to London.  Aircon turned out to be the single best thing on the car (I could make do without a steering wheel by comparison) however the satnav (or "Box Lady" as we call her) decided it didn't like the heat and refused to work.  I relegated her to the glovebox in disgust and phoned for Google Maps based directions.

*cue 24 beepy music* Thursday, 4pm.  Location: Yet another Soho bar
Myself and Evie went into the city to meet up with a couple of her friends.  I like seeing them as they're all interesting and intelligent people ... and I seem to get new experiences whenever I'm around them.  Todays new thing - being painted on.  Maxine had decided my bare arm was a good canvas so did a heart with an arrow though it ... and with a little persuation embellished it with curly branches and flowers, which now has me thinking that I would really like a tattoo sometime!  After I had over-flirted with all concerned myself and Evie ended up going back to Lexx's spare room with the intention of doing naughty things, however fell asleep at all of 9pm.

Friday, 11.30am.  Location: Camden Market
Its just not the done thing to turn up at an Alt nightclub in a t-shirt and jeans, I needed a top (preferably an obscenely revealing one) and this seemed to be the place to find one.  Cyberdog stuff is so obscenely overpriced its not funny, but in the market its possible to find some real gems - after much looking we found an undescribable sparkley & black net top which was more air than material without breaking the bank.  I risked chinese curry from one of the stall vendors, which I then sprinkled with chilli sauce to satisfy my spicy food cravings.  Evie had pizza.

Friday, 10.00pm.  Location: Club AntiChrist
Thanks to Lara, who happens to be one of those lucky people who looks gorgeous in a latex dress, we got to the club ok.  While my choice of clothing was out of sync with the majority it was thankfully 'alt enough' ... Evie looked the biz in her corset & fishnets.  We got to meet some of the folks I've been chatting to online, had a good dance, saw some very cool fancy dress and heard some great live music.  Having battled with flu all week by 1.30 Evie was having problems standing up so I wisked her off to the bus stop without much ado.  Will do better next time!

Saturday, 10.00pm.  Location: Lexx's place
Recuperation consisted of bacon sandwiches and we had an evening meal of lamb kebabs after battling Tescos.  Lexx could have had a spear and looked every bit the caveman as he hunted for just the right food in the aisles of the supermarket!  But at 10pm it was sadly time to return home.  I thanked our gracious host and remembered not to embarrass him by grabbing his bum ... this time.

Sunday, 2.00am.  Location: Home
Getting back was an odd feeling.  This ropey old house is really home now, it felt good to be back after a great weekend(ish) away.  I hope we stay here for a long time to come as the house, with the woodland, the castle and our friendly neighbours just feels right for me in every way.  Evie has confessed that she feels like its home now, too, which raised my heart.

Today has been rather strange. We were nearly out of electric (token meter, getting swapped to a regular one real soon!!) so I elected not to have a shower ... so, bed head hair, no shower, didn't get around to shaving, didn't wear chicken cutlets. Not only have I been consistently girl'd all day, but one guy hit on me. I'm very happy but have to wonder if I'm surrounded by a field of irony or something.

Last night I emailed Rob, my ex.  Seems his Dad has a possibly malignant bit of cancerous material in his lung, a real shame since he's a thoroughly nice guy (not that I'd wish cancer on anyone).  I've offered to help with babysitting in the event he has to be in hospital, something I'd do anyway since I like Rob's younger siblings, but I figured its an olive branch - I lived in their laundry box for the best part of a year and was part of the family, but was upset when Rob's mother said she would prefer it if the kids didn't see me at the 'in-between stage' as it might confuse them ... it certainly confused me since I work around kids and its not been an issue.  Anyway, time heals all wounds.

Tomorrow Evie goes down to London, I get a couple of days to trott about sorting the house (needs a lot of cleaning up) and to visit my folks before joining her on Thursday ... I'll miss her like crazy, but it'll probably do me good.  The other night I had a dream about my sister, and have decided this is the cue to write (with a pen and everything) her a letter.  We've not really spoken in years, its abotu time I started building that bridge.  I also need to write to my old friend Chris down in Cornwall, who has settled and written to me ... he was a really fun guy back when we were kids :-)

Time for another in Holly's long line of huge quantities of life happenings ... its starting to slow down, thank goodness!

Now, my last post was all crap and emo, I've put this down to having waaay too much stress and after talking with Evie and progress with the causes of stress I'm back to beeing the jolly lass that I usually am :-)  There were three big things causing me to freak out ...

( Cut, with free bonus photo! )

ok, its been a looong time since I posted any damn thing, but thats because I've been flying around without so much time as to scratch my behind!  Some has been bad, most has been good and all of it has been a whirlwind!

Big list of stuff thats happenned ...

( Cutorama, with pics ... )
Oh well, thats about all the news thats fit to rake for now ... next weekend I get to go to London and watch Avenue Q, which is apparently awsome.  Some photos may ensue ...

Its like an avalanche, only lifier!

Well nothing happens for ages then so much stuff explodes into my life there's problems jambing it all in! First up, people who keep a spare pair of boobs with them ...


( Cutski ... )

ok, I usually forego memes, but I like the idea of this one :-P (thanks Heathen ^_^)

01. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.
02. Go to Google Images and search for that word.
03. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results (don't tell me the word).
04. Put this in your own journal so that I can do the same

Oh yeah, I'm all wrapped up, the electric heater decided to melt a couple of hours ago >.< What is it with me and setting things on fire? I don't try to ...

I used to be rubbish at deciding who I liked / didn't like, who I could trust and who would drop me in it in a heartbeat. I think I'm getting better.

In the last couple of years I've let friendship tail off with people who have turned out to be biggots, and gained some new friends who, it turned out last night, are fantastically supportive and open minded. Out of the blue I got a message "I've done a drawing for you" and got this picture, called 'rebirth'


( Read more... )

Last Thursday, after a considerable holliday, I got back to work. As usual not only is there a raft of work waiting for me, but everyone is running around panicing because schools have also just returned to work after their summer break and of course the phones are ringing off the hook.

There is a point to this, so bear with me ...

One of the things on my mind recently has been how depressing my work clothes are, since entering a place where I'm expected to wear a shirt and suit trousers I've deliberately gone for stuff thats baggy and hides my shape, but I've fought against this enforced appearance too. I have had official warnings about my clothes in the past, and although conforming from that point I always stay as close to the limit of whats acceptable as possible out of principle - I spent one year in cowboy boots for instance. And it struck me, out of the hundreds of people I come into contact with through work there's maybe 3 or 4 others who present themselves as non-conformist in any way.
( Read more... )

Heap big stuff has happenned in the last month, here's the quick version ...

Went to Doctor to discuss Trans issues
Made an offer to buy a flat (apartment)
Moved office and job role at work (not voluntarily)
Went to hospital to get a camera rammed down my throat
Got ill
Went to Manchester Pride
Got better
Tidied the trailer I call home while the BF was in Germany
Went on a party weekend to Manchester with some Trans Girl Friends
Got my first cookbook

( Long(er) Version ... )
So, highs and lows aplenty, September should be positively sedate by comparison ...

My main remaining hobby, which I hold onto despite a shortage of spare time because it pays a little, is taking photos of Drag Racing at the local strip which I then use in race coverage for a national magazine.  Now, despite the name Drag, its about the most testosterone filled motorsport there is ... however there's plenty of women who compete and are avid fans too, maybe they like the same aspects as me, but I digress.

Odd thing 1 - At the track I have many friends of both sexes, and because of the undercurrent of mysoginy I get lumped in as 'one of the girls', and in this light I can be as femanine as I like (fingers crossed it'll make that aspect of my life easier if/when it comes to transition).  Every time I go I push my boundaries a little more, this time with clear nail varnish and a woman's cut but plain t-shirt; most everyone seemed to respond to this positively, maybe it helps them label me or maybe its because I'm feeling more relaxed ... either way I was very pleased, next time they might be ready for me in some subtle ladies jeans ^_^

Odd thing 2 - I saw two T* girls (one unfortunately with a bad case of overmakeup - she looked like an orange!) and two birls with girlfriends, this is odd because I've only ever seen two Trans women at the track ever before (and my radar is good on these things - always looking to make friends etc).  Could it be that T* is indeed "the new pink"?  Can't help but wonder how many regulars noticed any of them ...

Anyway, here's one of my favourite pics from today, with a touch to make it look 'period perfect' ^_^

Last night I pampered myself; shaved my legs, had a nice long bath, sorted my hair out, did my nails, etc.  Today it was straight into my shorts since my legs looked amazingly presentable for a change, and I say to Rob (my boyfriend) "lets go out for lunch since its such a nice day", to which he replied "ok, put on some trousers and we'll go; you're not going somewhere nice dressed like that."